My Future Self

We all have a “future self”. We like to envision what we would look like as an ideal version of ourselves. It’s natural and it’s what keeps us motivated to continue improving.

My future self has changed a lot over the years but surprisingly, the main idea of who I would become has stayed pretty consistent. Whether it was my future self as a prominent female tennis player (elementary school), or as a multi-lingual ambassador for the UN (middle school), or a respected virtuosic soloist (high school and college), I wanted to be good at whatever I chose for a career and I wanted people to respect me and admire my work. That hasn’t changed at all. 

I also used to have versions of myself where I was physically fit. In elementary school I was overweight and bullied and unhappy. I would dream of myself as a skinny, tan, blonde girl with a boyfriend. That was what my surroundings and experiences told me was the dream. I eventually lost the weight but was still awkward and lanky as a teenager. I had super pale skin, horrible braces, and those awful transition glasses. I’m surprised I didn’t have an elaborate Hawaiian shirt and fedora collection either, to be honest. 

Then with all my health issues in college, my future self changed from an aesthetic to a purpose. I envisioned myself as a capable athlete. I envisioned myself defying the odds of my chronic pain and conquering my diseases. That hasn’t changed either. 

So what is my future self in my eyes right now? I’ll tell you. 

First of all, I will announce that I just started school again to become an aircraft mechanic. I will be building and repairing planes! I have dreams of one day going into aerospace and having the company I work for help me pay for 1) my pilots license and 2) a degree in engineering for developing tech in the aerospace industry 

That’s a big reveal! Those are my current and lifelong dreams from now until the end of time. I feel so peaceful and focused now that I’ve figured out what I want to do. I wanted to build things and be a scientist since I was little, but Florida public schools failed me miserably. 

Okay so future self is a badass aircraft/spacecraft mechanic, maybe working as head mechanic or engineer with lofty companies like Boeing or NASA. Future self is an accomplished power-lifter who can deadlift and squat her own body weight and then some, maybe even double some day. She also rock climbs and is great at yoga, all while being able to steep the perfect cup of tea. In my eyes, a woman who can do that has a strong grip on her health and has her mind/body/soul in control. That would mean the world to me for my chronic pain. She has a cozy home, wherever that is, though Colorado and SoCal are the goals. Retirement will be comfortable and attainable, finances will be responsibly adequate with some room for adventure and moments of excess. And to be honest? I’ll get a little vulnerable here and say I want to be in a committed and loving relationship with a nice girl someday, hopefully as driven as me and who can help me be my best and vice versa. I want someone who compliments my strengths but accepts my faults and I want to do the same for someone else. 

So far, I’ve made great moves to making this a reality. And that all happened in the last year. If this is only the beginning, I’ve got a great adventure ahead of me. And I think it’s important to have a “future self”, especially with chronic pain. It helps me keep my eye on the prize when I’m overcome by my illnesses in the moment. Whenever I’m feeling weak, fatigued, or pained, I remember who I want to be and I see that it’s actually within grasp. So I keep going. And I’m closer every time I visualize my future 🙂 

Anywho, that’s my introspective post for the month. I also had leg day today and did great but weight lifting talk is more of the same. I’m just keeping consistent and making progress! Not much to comment on, really, I’m just doing it. I’m kicking ass and living the dream 😉 

Thanks for reading!



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